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Friday, May 05, 2006 5:11 PM
im blogging right now because i'm trying to keep myself from texting him. I dont know what the hell is wrong with me, what the hell im trying to prov -or make that what the hell i'm trying to make him prove to me.
i dont want to be difficult or in anyway be a "paimportante." i just dont want to be the one making things work.
i admt, my paranoia is getting into me again. you see, i easily get overwhelmed..and sometimes when i know what i want,i go out of my league. before, i overdosed a "jerk" with texts and phone calls, which i knew he got tired of eventually.. and i ended up losing him and my pride. i just dont want that to happen again. it seem pretty lame of me, to play this "let-me-avoid-him" game..
but just once, i want things to be right. i'm not a patriot of traditionalism. i dont believe what they say that if you're an xy you should wait for an xx ..but maybe this time, I should because afterall if I mean something to him, he would definitely stretch himself out.
there's nothing wrong with our texts marathons. i appreciate every word and thoughts shared.. but as always you can fake it..put a smiley and it would seem as if you're already happy..i'm just getting tired. almost everything is the same. i feel stranded. it's hard when i got my feet on the clutch..but his is still on the brakes..there's no way of moving forward.. maybe, i expected more from him..and well, i aint getting it..
hmm..i'm just assuming anyway..
it's past 5 already and he hasn't texted still..maybe he's just busy or maybe he's waiting for my text..im stupid am i? im putting myself in pain..but what the hell..maybe truth does hurt..
i miss him.. but i want him to miss me.. i just dont know if he will ever feel that way..or just when.
_rockiztangKIKAY_
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Im still working on few details. :)
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