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Saturday, October 01, 2005 5:42 PM
Sa monday na lalabas ung Imprint..
Ms. Victor showed it to me yesterday. I'm disappointed with myself. I knew I could have controlled things better but I didn't. I chose not to. I was ecstatic to be given the position of EIC but to see the fruit of our labor look like nothing but trash..[ I knew Marians wouldn't like it].. it all suddenly became pointless to me. I don't want it to come out because there were a lot of errors.. I'm not happy with it, nor would the whole school though.... I humbly accept it was all my fault...
Damn! I have so much hopes for our paper to improve. I wanted it to change but I failed. We failed.
I badly want to write with freedom. I knew that it's the only way to get Marians into reading the paper. But that I cannot do. I feel like a wreckless, irresponsible mut. I have a lot of things to say, but I don't think people would relate to. I can't wirte as frankly as I want because I admit, I'm afraid of our moderator. I have grades to protect. I'm a robot. Yet I have proven, that the more I try to please her, the more I get disgusted with my work. Little by little, my hands are losing their urge to write. And I'm hating myself!!!
I'm stressed in a lot of ways. My Physics and Math grades are on the verge of failing. When I'm in school I feel tired. I always feel tired. When I get home, all I want to do is to cry in my room, but I can't.. or else my mom will bombared me with questions. I'm stressed! And the frightful thing is, I can't say exactly why I feel this way. I'm pressured with my grades. My family is in a financial crisis. Though my parents try hard not to show it, I know very well. And the more pressure it have given me. I don't want them to get disappointed. College entrance exams are everywhere, and I know their putting their hopes up again! Then there's this school paper.. which if wouldn't be appreciated, would somehow bring damage to myself. Then I'm in a class.. where you would never know who's really true to you.
God! I hate my life right now!!!
_rockiztangKIKAY_
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Im still working on few details. :)
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